Method Acting
It’s been two months since they last spoke sensibly. He misses her. Actually, he misses her a lot. All other discussions with her in between these past few months either end up in argument or in misunderstanding. Keun Seuk stares at the first number on his speed dial. He had not changed its position even in light of the current situation. Tempted to press the green button that will officially place the call, he mutters to himself,
Andwae. She said she will tell me when she’s ready. Argh, why are we still living this script? This is so Episode 15. Omo! Maybe I also need to shake Tae Kyung out of my system? He shakes his head.
Trying to rechannel his thoughts, he goes online to leave a message for his fans on his homepage. But like clockwork, he finds himself typing her Cyworld URL first, as if it was his own. She had a new post up and she still sounds a little sad, angst-filled even. His heart breaks. He wants to reach out to her and let her know that he can read between her lines. That he understands. And, he wants to tell her that things are not really how she thinks them to be. After all, he does see her heart. He does want her to have her own color apart from him. He does know that they will have to forge different paths, and the thought of that bothers him too.*
Keun Seuk knows Shin Hye was facing two dilemmas in her mind at the time: her heart and her career’s future. He is determined to settle the dilemma that he believes directly involves him.
He is sure that this silly cool-off they’re having needs to end. He promises himself to willingly endure her wrath if he breaks their pact and just end this silliness for both of them. So, he sends Hong Ki a text message.
Hyung, I need your help.
“Gwaenchana, Hyung? Are you in trouble?”, Hong Ki texts back.
Aneyo. Just need to ask a favor. Can you have Shin Hye come meet “you” for coffee tomorrow morning?
Knowing what his dear friend meant by this request and carrying out his marching orders, Hong Ki confirms “Arasso, Hyung. Done. She said she’ll be there at 8:30.”
Keun Seuk rises up early the next morning. He didn’t really get much sleep. He had forgotten how many times he tossed and turned in his bed and the times he rolled out of bed to chat with his Eels just to ward off his state of overanalyzing things. Like lines in a script, he tried to practice what he wants to say.
He goes in to the coffee shop to take Hong Ki’s place in meeting her, ten minutes earlier than the appointment time. He orders cappuccino even if he knows he’s more awake than 10 cups of coffee can allow a person. From where he sits, he saw her rushing to open the door, aware that she is almost ten minutes late for her appointment.
Darn, why does she look so beautiful?, he thinks to himself.
She worries that her idol friend will be so mad that she didn’t think of his precious time and is coming so late. She scans the crowd for a familiar blonde head until her eyes land on Keun Seuk. “Hong Ki-ah, you will make up for this big time,” she mutters under her breath as she figured out what just transpired. She approaches his table, “Hong Ki, I didn’t know you can disguise yourself like Keun Seuk-ssi now” she kids Keun Seuk.
He smiles at her, glad that she is somehow in a good mood.
Thanks for not running away when you saw me, he tells her honestly before asking,
Do you want anything? It’s on me. “Just a cappuccino is fine,” she replies.
Moments after the barista brings her beverage, there’s a brief period of awkward silence between them. Then, Keun Seuk begins the conversation, scrapping everything he practiced and just letting the words flow.
Shin Hye, do you remember the many acting techniques we were taught by our PD-nims and perhaps during your trainee days?
She stares at him wondering where this is leading.
He continues,
Method acting works the best, since it is when you and the character become one person. But as actors and also as regular people, this gives us the most pain. But, do you know when method acting becomes most effective? He checks if she is still listening before going on.
From my own experience, it seems to work better when we pour out ourselves, our own memories, our own senses to breathe life into the character. Before we did this, the character is merely a few squiggles on paper.
She looks at him questioningly, wondering why she was getting this acting lesson.
He goes for the bull’s eye.
Shin Hye, you suffer because you think you need to let go of Mi Nam. But did it ever occur to you that maybe Mi Nam’s feelings were, in fact, yours? The emotions you breathe into Mi Nam’s character’s life were your emotions? So, there’s really no need for you to get Mi Nam out of yourself.
These weeks that we have not had a straight conversation, I’ve wondered whether I should follow your lead and shake Tae Kyung out of my system as well. Especially when I cannot stop thinking about you, when I hurt for you as I see you hurting.
Was that Tae Kyung yearning for Mi Nam?
As I reviewed our scenes together, especially those that were either heart wrenching or heart thumping, I found myself able to command the emotions again so easily, almost three months after the last scene was shot. How is that even possible?
And that’s when I realize that, in those scenes, Keun Seuk and Tae Kyung were one and the same. Keun Seuk is Tae Kyung’s heart.
He pauses and sips the cappuccino that was getting cold, mustering the courage to continue with his speech.
Tae Kyung with his inexperience in relationships and being the squiggle on paper that he is will never be able to easily let his emotions flow. He is not real. I made him real. For the audience to understand that character, I needed to dwell on my own memories and my own feelings.
Since I was the one in command of the role, I can tell you what thoughts I was channeling to execute those scenes with you flawlessly. In all those times, I can tell you honestly, the pain Tae Kyung felt was... that of Keun Seuk’s pain from possibly losing Shin Hye. And the giddiness... the giddiness that Tae Kyung felt was.... Keun Seuk’s boundless joy from having Shin Hye by his side.
And with those kisses we shared together, what I see and what Tae Kyung sees with our eyes either open or closed were the same. It is the image of you. Keun Seuk’s Shin Hye. Tae Kyung’s Min Yu.
Do you understand this?
Shin Hye responds “Ne, Oppa, I think I understand. Otoke?”
Shin Hye-a, all I’m asking for is for us to stop this charade.
You don’t need to fight so hard to get Go Mi Nam out of your life. You need to accept that Park Shin Hye is part of Go Mi Nam. You don’t have to work so hard to change.
That part of you needs to stay. With me, with Jang Keun Seuk. Wanting to throw it away is like saying you want to get rid of our journey together.
Plus, I am no longer going to allow myself to stand by the sidelines watching you go through this gray period. I want you to trust that I know you well enough. And I know you are a bubbly and happy lady, very much like Mi Nam.
This dark side of yours, it’s not Mi Nam nor is it Shin Hye.
Obviously, your strategy to stay away is not working, so it’s now time for a new strategy. So, please let me in and help you figure this out.
Shin Hye looks at him, her eyes wide. She was not ready for that. But he spoke the truth and she has to deal with it. He senses both her surprise and hesitation. He clears his throat before continuing.
I can’t promise you a rosy road, but I can promise you my honesty and loyalty. If there’s one thing I will try so hard to do, it will be to try and take good care of your heart. Can you allow me to do that?
Trying to take in the indirect revelation, Shin Hye looks at him and sees the sincerity in his eyes. “Ne, Oppa, the charade is over. Please take care of my heart. And if I can promise you one thing, I’ll try my best to be strong for whatever may happen.”
Flashing the smile that makes her fall for him all over again, he quips,
Ya, Shin Hye, don’t even worry. I can bet you a billion won that I would be the one who’ll have more reasons to be anxious about.
He reaches out across the table to hold her hand. That felt nice, her hand in his, because they fit so well.
Now, let's talk about your career woes. Can you really believe that?
"Aish, Oppa, you've been stalking my hompy?"
Of course, did you expect any less?
And the morning went by like a breeze. Her mind somehow clear, his heart finally at ease.
~**~~**~~**~
*references to Shin Hye’s Cyworld entries during a temporary dark period between late January to right before her birthday.
Author’s observation of actual facts: I noticed that Shin Hye still had her moments of being down after her birthday, but it was getting more into the tone of having a dilemma about how her career is progressing as compared to what sounded like “lovelife” related entries in the early part of the year. It seems like that the state of her heart started to look better around the same time they were in contact again. This entry was based off that.
I'll be waiting for your next FF. I'm enjoying it. Give me more, i might be really really tempted to write my own. hehehehe!!! 
